Oh, the Places You’ll Never Go and the People You’ll Never Meet:
Selections from the Argos Travel Codex Written Primarily By Phames Knesor, with Introduction, Annotations and Title Courtesy of Riffin Reyney.
We live in troubling times. Brigands and savages lurk on every trail, hiding in bush and tree, waiting to accost, brook, challenge or otherwise disparage you or your person. Little refuge can be found in cities, for they are just as lousy with evildoers, finks and goons who are looking to divest you of coin or flesh. Lucky for you then, dear reader, that I, Riffin Reyney, famed bard and scholar, graduate of the honorable, illustrious Coriander Academy of Kopnos, have endeavored with my dear friend and colleague, the judicious, yet kittenish diviner, Phames Knesor, to write this volume.
Between these covers and betwixt these pages, you’ll find a wealth of lessons, monitions and natterings about all manner of subjects that may be experienced far outside the comfort and relative safety of your home. Yes, dear reader, my beloved and ever-vexed companion and I have traveled far and wide so that you don’t have to! We’ve dealt with ogres, pixies and even quetzlcoatl so that you can wallow in the sea of vast knowledge that, until recently, was only available to the most cosmopolitan and worldly of roamers, sages and travelers. It has been a dangerous and harrowing road indeed, but we are proud of this, the most thrilling, unique, voluminous, and indeed, wondrous work we’ve ever done. Enjoy, dear reader, and as always, stay safe!
ps. It is with great apology that the entries for “Xorn”, “Yuan-Ti” and “Zombie” were listed out of order in previous editions of this great work. Know, dear reader, that for this printing, this heinous error has certainly been corrected!
There’s no way we’re publishing this introduction. —PK
Oh, yes we are. You lost the bet, remember?—RR
Fine. If it’ll keep your damnable whimsy free of the actual entries, I’ll acquiesce. You have to at least find a way to refer to me as something, anything, other than “kittenish”. It’s not only insulting, but also entirely untrue.—PK
I disagree. You are quite kittenish. You have a natural curiosity about you. You are light on your feet. You brighten my mood. You have adorable whiskers.—RR
You are incorrigible.—PK
Also, you love milk.—RR
Stop this nonsense. You are undermining all the work we did to become accepted as sages with this silliness.—PK
Just so you know, I’m printing all of this too. This is still technically the introduction, which you told me I could write.—RR
Horseshit. This is well beyond the scope of any introduction. This is ludicrous.-PK
Oh, fine. Still though… you have to admit, these DO count as annotations, do they not? And annotations are ALSO mine, per the agreement?—RR
I hate you.—PK.